I love love love christmas!!
I love buying people that i love presents.. It is the greatest feeling to put a smile on someone's face by giving them something from the heart...
I usually spend a ridiculous amount on my family and my boyfriend..
This year I'll be lucky to buy them christmas cards.. I am absolutely broke.. work is not going as well as it use to. I use to pull at least 300 a weekend not i'm lucky to hit 150.
My car has 600 dollars worth of damage, and no one will help me with it.
Plus I just put out 445 for my rent...
I still need groceries, my medicine, and personal items...
oh yeah and GAS!!!
I really am dreading christmas day when i have nothing to give to anyone, and all the gifts i do get.. I'm returning for cash to pay my january rent and car damages... if i even get that much. I wish I was 21 so i could have a chance at winning the lottery! Or maybe just met a wealthy old man who gives money for just being such a sweet girl :) yeah i'm thinking crazy thoughts now!!!!
Honestly though, crazy is definitely allowed at this point..
well according to my mom it isn't and i'm in desparate need of a therapist which seems to be her answer to every problem that i have lately.
I was thinking though, i could sell some of my clothes and make some quick cash...
then again I heard drug dealers make good money lol
i promise that was a joke i'm completely against all kinds of drugs!!!
when that 18 wheeler knocked my mirror off i was praying to god he'd just hit my entire car so i could file a lawsuit against him lol but it was my fault and it was only my mirror. I also thought about getting a second job but then I would have to give up sleeping... can't do that either..
i just really don't want this christmas to be so bad..
hopefully the money at work starts rolling on in...
Thursday, December 4, 2008
I just wanna go home..
This semester at Southern has been miserable for me..
I have been through so much my mind wants to explode. I have not been happy since August. I have not had time for myself since July.. Its always school, work, school work, sleep eat. No time to just enjoy my life. Not even on holidays. Too much stress with school. It is not even the fact of the level of difficulty of my school work, because I'll admit it is easy.. It is the amount it tends to come in that I can not handle it!
I probably should have started off at a community college to take it way easy and way cheap my first year..
but that still does not solve my life issues..
my family never gets to see me.. i never get to see my family..
my boyfriend is not sure if he wants to be with me.. when all i know for sure in my life is i want to be with him..
my old friends never seem to stop failing me..
an 18 wheeler took off my side mirror..
i woke up this morning to a flat..
i have work tomorrow till 3 in the morning with my math final following at 9 the next morning...
my life is going under and i'm feeling it dreadfully hard..
i want to move back home..
live with my parents..
save all my money..
go to a community college..
heal my relationship..
and most of all i just want to be happy again..
i'm sick of pretending that nothing is wrong with me..
I have been through so much my mind wants to explode. I have not been happy since August. I have not had time for myself since July.. Its always school, work, school work, sleep eat. No time to just enjoy my life. Not even on holidays. Too much stress with school. It is not even the fact of the level of difficulty of my school work, because I'll admit it is easy.. It is the amount it tends to come in that I can not handle it!
I probably should have started off at a community college to take it way easy and way cheap my first year..
but that still does not solve my life issues..
my family never gets to see me.. i never get to see my family..
my boyfriend is not sure if he wants to be with me.. when all i know for sure in my life is i want to be with him..
my old friends never seem to stop failing me..
an 18 wheeler took off my side mirror..
i woke up this morning to a flat..
i have work tomorrow till 3 in the morning with my math final following at 9 the next morning...
my life is going under and i'm feeling it dreadfully hard..
i want to move back home..
live with my parents..
save all my money..
go to a community college..
heal my relationship..
and most of all i just want to be happy again..
i'm sick of pretending that nothing is wrong with me..
The subject of LOVE
So I've been thinking a lot lately about love and all that that subject covers....
Like okay here goes...we waste our times one people that hurt us...we give our hearts over and over again to people that so don't deserve it and by the time we find someone who may be worth giving our heart to we're so screwed up and jaded that there isnothing left to give really and what is left we have so guarded we can't even think about giving up!!!
We get screwed over time and time again that we get to a place where it is impossible to believe that someone one wont cheat on us or stab us in the back or drop us for absolutely NO REASON!!!
I've also come to realize tho that boys get their hearts broken also they can become jaded just like we can & I honestly can say that I never thought that way before my mind was pretty simple:
BOYS=ASS HOLES W/ HEARTS OF STEEL!!!!
But I've met this one boy who is trying desperately to show me that that's not always the case... this is the first time I've been in a relationship where I'm not the only one who has been hurt before!
My whole life I've dated arrogant ass holes that think they are the "shit" and can do whatever they want to the girl they are with because she'll just stand there and take it, they think she'll always be there because they have never had their heart truly broken!
But now I'm with someone who most definitely has felt that uniquely horrible feeling of heart ache! But the heard part is wondering if we will ever truly be whole again...how do you ever let that guard down when its right when you've done it so many times before when it was wrong? how do you learn to trust someone who maybe worth trusting but everyone you trusted before abused it? how do you heal that wound?
I do not know and all those questions are driving me crazy! I've never been the type to just sit back and let be what shall b I always try to figure things out I always want the answers but I guess this is one time where I have to just sit back and enjoy the ride!
GEEZ I guess girls what I'm trying to say is be careful of the ones you let close but be even more careful of the ones whose hearts you break...
Like okay here goes...we waste our times one people that hurt us...we give our hearts over and over again to people that so don't deserve it and by the time we find someone who may be worth giving our heart to we're so screwed up and jaded that there isnothing left to give really and what is left we have so guarded we can't even think about giving up!!!
We get screwed over time and time again that we get to a place where it is impossible to believe that someone one wont cheat on us or stab us in the back or drop us for absolutely NO REASON!!!
I've also come to realize tho that boys get their hearts broken also they can become jaded just like we can & I honestly can say that I never thought that way before my mind was pretty simple:
BOYS=ASS HOLES W/ HEARTS OF STEEL!!!!
But I've met this one boy who is trying desperately to show me that that's not always the case... this is the first time I've been in a relationship where I'm not the only one who has been hurt before!
My whole life I've dated arrogant ass holes that think they are the "shit" and can do whatever they want to the girl they are with because she'll just stand there and take it, they think she'll always be there because they have never had their heart truly broken!
But now I'm with someone who most definitely has felt that uniquely horrible feeling of heart ache! But the heard part is wondering if we will ever truly be whole again...how do you ever let that guard down when its right when you've done it so many times before when it was wrong? how do you learn to trust someone who maybe worth trusting but everyone you trusted before abused it? how do you heal that wound?
I do not know and all those questions are driving me crazy! I've never been the type to just sit back and let be what shall b I always try to figure things out I always want the answers but I guess this is one time where I have to just sit back and enjoy the ride!
GEEZ I guess girls what I'm trying to say is be careful of the ones you let close but be even more careful of the ones whose hearts you break...
What has this world come to??
Ya know this world is going to hell in a hand basket for sure!
I've talked to several people and they definitely agree. Its crazy how bad things have gotten in such a short period of time. I mean just think about what all our generation has been through; some of us Dessert Storm (i think) then 9/11 then the War on Terror started with Iraq then Katrina affected all of us! Its like our whole lives we've just been hit left and right with things we shouldn't even be worrying about yet...I mean yeah our parents had the hippie days and the Vietnam War but they just didn't keep getting hit with reality constantly like we have. Terrorist weren't such a day to day worry. School shootings were unheard of. And playing in your neighborhood and walking everywhere in town ya wanna go was as normal for them as it is for us to have mace in our purse!
Now a days it seems like every one outta 5 kids that go down the road on their bike don't make it back! Girls, young little girls get raped and sexually abused in their own home and the sad thing is reading that in the news paper doesn't shock us nearly as bad as it would our parents when they were our age. Hell most schools have MEDAL DETECTORS when you walk in to school just to make sure you wont kill your fellow students or teachers that day! I mean what the hell?!?! Why is it like this for us? Why do we have to be so gosh dang worried every time we go on an airplane or to a foot ball game or a large event or a mall that we might get blown up!?
But besides all that stuff, the terror and the realities we face now, our generations media has showed us to through our morals out the damn window! Being on birth control by the time your in junior high is considered normal! Cussing and putting down women or people of another race in the lyrics of a song is nothing new for us to hear! Trying drugs and getting drunk is part of growing up! And dressing like a slut or having naked pictures of yourself taken and then shown to other people is just one more thing a teenage girl has to worry about to "fit in"! If its this bad now for us and those few younger kids in our generation now i am scared out of my mind to think of what niece's generation will have to deal with!
Things have gotten out of control... and I've talked to several girls who this blog describes and they honestly think that its normal.
I pray to God things get better!
I've talked to several people and they definitely agree. Its crazy how bad things have gotten in such a short period of time. I mean just think about what all our generation has been through; some of us Dessert Storm (i think) then 9/11 then the War on Terror started with Iraq then Katrina affected all of us! Its like our whole lives we've just been hit left and right with things we shouldn't even be worrying about yet...I mean yeah our parents had the hippie days and the Vietnam War but they just didn't keep getting hit with reality constantly like we have. Terrorist weren't such a day to day worry. School shootings were unheard of. And playing in your neighborhood and walking everywhere in town ya wanna go was as normal for them as it is for us to have mace in our purse!
Now a days it seems like every one outta 5 kids that go down the road on their bike don't make it back! Girls, young little girls get raped and sexually abused in their own home and the sad thing is reading that in the news paper doesn't shock us nearly as bad as it would our parents when they were our age. Hell most schools have MEDAL DETECTORS when you walk in to school just to make sure you wont kill your fellow students or teachers that day! I mean what the hell?!?! Why is it like this for us? Why do we have to be so gosh dang worried every time we go on an airplane or to a foot ball game or a large event or a mall that we might get blown up!?
But besides all that stuff, the terror and the realities we face now, our generations media has showed us to through our morals out the damn window! Being on birth control by the time your in junior high is considered normal! Cussing and putting down women or people of another race in the lyrics of a song is nothing new for us to hear! Trying drugs and getting drunk is part of growing up! And dressing like a slut or having naked pictures of yourself taken and then shown to other people is just one more thing a teenage girl has to worry about to "fit in"! If its this bad now for us and those few younger kids in our generation now i am scared out of my mind to think of what niece's generation will have to deal with!
Things have gotten out of control... and I've talked to several girls who this blog describes and they honestly think that its normal.
I pray to God things get better!
Dumb girls.. we aren't in high school anymore
Going through high school, you find yourself involved in so much crazy drama! It is an absolute ridiculous scene! My senior year I found myself not involved in drama.. I was so thankful. I was about to be in college where everyone is mature and drama is what you do if you are interested in thearte..
I WAS DEFINITELY WRONG!!!
I have seen so much drama at this school, at my work, and definitely within "my friends". At school, girls call you a trick or skank for making guy friends. Just because a guy is a girl's friend does not mean they are sleeping together. It is proven that guys and girls can be just friends. Another thing... stop being jealous! It makes you ugly.
At work, someone is always up to starting something dumb. Ugh so and so took my table, omg she made so much money wonder what she's doing.. omg so and so won't pick my shift up! Dumb girls all around! If someone takes your table go tell them not me! I can't do anything about it, and I will not say anything either. You are wasting time yapping to me.
When a girl is prettier than you and is a better waitress, it doesn't mean she is giving out her number or flirting.. It means her costumers enjoy looking at her more than looking at you! Plus, she probably is a better waitress than you....
What gets me the most!! They allow us to ask off 2 weeks ahead of time.. ask off if you want off.. it is not anyone elses responsibilty to pick up your shifts, so don't sit there saying negative things about that person!
UGH and stupid girls who pretend to be your friend!!!!
If you don't like me or if you like my boyfriend.. how about you don't even pretend to be my friend! You are just getting your self into more trouble...
And don't think that I forget or forgive!!!!
I JUST WISH THESE DUMB GIRLS WOULD JUST GROW UP!!! WE AREN'T IN HIGH SCHOOL ANYMORE!!!!!!
I WAS DEFINITELY WRONG!!!
I have seen so much drama at this school, at my work, and definitely within "my friends". At school, girls call you a trick or skank for making guy friends. Just because a guy is a girl's friend does not mean they are sleeping together. It is proven that guys and girls can be just friends. Another thing... stop being jealous! It makes you ugly.
At work, someone is always up to starting something dumb. Ugh so and so took my table, omg she made so much money wonder what she's doing.. omg so and so won't pick my shift up! Dumb girls all around! If someone takes your table go tell them not me! I can't do anything about it, and I will not say anything either. You are wasting time yapping to me.
When a girl is prettier than you and is a better waitress, it doesn't mean she is giving out her number or flirting.. It means her costumers enjoy looking at her more than looking at you! Plus, she probably is a better waitress than you....
What gets me the most!! They allow us to ask off 2 weeks ahead of time.. ask off if you want off.. it is not anyone elses responsibilty to pick up your shifts, so don't sit there saying negative things about that person!
UGH and stupid girls who pretend to be your friend!!!!
If you don't like me or if you like my boyfriend.. how about you don't even pretend to be my friend! You are just getting your self into more trouble...
And don't think that I forget or forgive!!!!
I JUST WISH THESE DUMB GIRLS WOULD JUST GROW UP!!! WE AREN'T IN HIGH SCHOOL ANYMORE!!!!!!
Friday, November 21, 2008
READY FOR THANKSGIVING!
So today is the 21 of November!!
Thanksgiving is just around the corner!
Honestly for me its not about the food,
every thanksgiving we spend the day at my grandpa and his wife. (not my grandma and never will be) I never ever get to see him unless its like a super special occasion not including holidays lol..
Let me tell you a little bit about him.
Growing up he was always on cloud nine! Mainly due to drug abuse. Yes he is now a little burnt but he is still wise. He met my grandma, whom I absolutely adore, and had my mom my two aunts and my deceased uncle. Eventually they started fighting and got a divorce. He turned into a super christian person and met this dry lady who is now in a wheel chair. They got married and had my other two aunts. yay!
He lives in slidell, la where he built and designed this huge house. He's like a contractor almost. He mainly does huge expensive hotels like the ritz carlton.
Well, now that he is so godly and all, he likes to pass on his stories of his child hood to persuade us into making the right choices. Now that's his point of the story.. I like them because they are always so funny!
My grandpa is also an amazing cook!! He's been in the crawfish festival in New Orleans and has been on cooking shows. Every time we visit he amazes me but what he creates. I don't eat much of it because i don't eat beef or pork but it still never ceases to amaze me!
Next he feels bad for never seeing us so he slips his grand kids cash! I love money! And I love my grandpa's money a lot!!!!!!
This year he missed my birthday so I should be getting a nice wad of it!!!!!
well I have to run off to an interview now!
peace dani
Thanksgiving is just around the corner!
Honestly for me its not about the food,
every thanksgiving we spend the day at my grandpa and his wife. (not my grandma and never will be) I never ever get to see him unless its like a super special occasion not including holidays lol..
Let me tell you a little bit about him.
Growing up he was always on cloud nine! Mainly due to drug abuse. Yes he is now a little burnt but he is still wise. He met my grandma, whom I absolutely adore, and had my mom my two aunts and my deceased uncle. Eventually they started fighting and got a divorce. He turned into a super christian person and met this dry lady who is now in a wheel chair. They got married and had my other two aunts. yay!
He lives in slidell, la where he built and designed this huge house. He's like a contractor almost. He mainly does huge expensive hotels like the ritz carlton.
Well, now that he is so godly and all, he likes to pass on his stories of his child hood to persuade us into making the right choices. Now that's his point of the story.. I like them because they are always so funny!
My grandpa is also an amazing cook!! He's been in the crawfish festival in New Orleans and has been on cooking shows. Every time we visit he amazes me but what he creates. I don't eat much of it because i don't eat beef or pork but it still never ceases to amaze me!
Next he feels bad for never seeing us so he slips his grand kids cash! I love money! And I love my grandpa's money a lot!!!!!!
This year he missed my birthday so I should be getting a nice wad of it!!!!!
well I have to run off to an interview now!
peace dani
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Being Responsible
Ever since I moved I had to be responsible for myself.
I feel like I've been doing a pretty good job.. but at times it does get hard.
I currently pay for my gas, my food, my rent, my interest on my loans and anything else that comes along.
It doesn't sound like much, but my rent alone cost me almost 500 a month, being a waitress doesn't exactly make the money i need.. well it makes it, but I usually don't have enough to just blow on anything and have a little fun.
But it is life and I am learning RESPONSIBILITY.
I even have to cook for myself.. which isn't a problem. I love to cook, but sometimes I just don't feel like doing it. I run to some fast food restaurant. I have to make sure I eat healthy and not become overweight. ITS my resposibility!
SCHOOL!!!! I probably should have gone to a community college and start off easy. I thought I could really handle this. I did graduate 5th with a pretty high gpa that I don't like ppl to know about. College seemed so easy in my mind. Its been a struggle for me though. Not the actual work, but making myself do it. I'm from a dry county that has nothing to do for young adults. Here in Hattiesburg, I have the option of going out to the club or to the movies or just where ever with friends. I have to completely depress myself by turning down people twenty four seven! Then when I do get a wild hair up my butt I have to make sure I don't turn to alcohol and drive home drunk!! Which I am completely against.
Once again Responsibility!!
Then every single day I have to clean my apartment up, i have to wash dishes.. I have to do laundry twice a week.. It seems like no one else cleans but I'm pretty sure they do lol
It gets to the point I just want to never walk out of my room. Today I cleaned for two hours.. I basically bleached the entire house!
Then I took a nap and went to work..
I know it seems like I'm complaining, but I'm not.. I wanted to stress how much responsibilty I have taken and tell everyone that I'm quite proud of myself.. I'm all grown up in this choatic world and I love it!!!
peace,
dani
I feel like I've been doing a pretty good job.. but at times it does get hard.
I currently pay for my gas, my food, my rent, my interest on my loans and anything else that comes along.
It doesn't sound like much, but my rent alone cost me almost 500 a month, being a waitress doesn't exactly make the money i need.. well it makes it, but I usually don't have enough to just blow on anything and have a little fun.
But it is life and I am learning RESPONSIBILITY.
I even have to cook for myself.. which isn't a problem. I love to cook, but sometimes I just don't feel like doing it. I run to some fast food restaurant. I have to make sure I eat healthy and not become overweight. ITS my resposibility!
SCHOOL!!!! I probably should have gone to a community college and start off easy. I thought I could really handle this. I did graduate 5th with a pretty high gpa that I don't like ppl to know about. College seemed so easy in my mind. Its been a struggle for me though. Not the actual work, but making myself do it. I'm from a dry county that has nothing to do for young adults. Here in Hattiesburg, I have the option of going out to the club or to the movies or just where ever with friends. I have to completely depress myself by turning down people twenty four seven! Then when I do get a wild hair up my butt I have to make sure I don't turn to alcohol and drive home drunk!! Which I am completely against.
Once again Responsibility!!
Then every single day I have to clean my apartment up, i have to wash dishes.. I have to do laundry twice a week.. It seems like no one else cleans but I'm pretty sure they do lol
It gets to the point I just want to never walk out of my room. Today I cleaned for two hours.. I basically bleached the entire house!
Then I took a nap and went to work..
I know it seems like I'm complaining, but I'm not.. I wanted to stress how much responsibilty I have taken and tell everyone that I'm quite proud of myself.. I'm all grown up in this choatic world and I love it!!!
peace,
dani
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)